Forgiveness

Forgiveness

 

 

 

     I know this seems like what could be a strange topic, but I felt it was necessary for me to discuss this. When I say "forgiveness", I'm not talking about forgiving others. I'm talking about forgiving yourself. Or more accurately, forgiving myself. I guess this would make more sense to you if I explain. You see, I've been really rough on myself. When I don't accomplish the things that I want to, I'm constantly putting myself down. I call myself names and beat myself up. Not literally. Although sometimes it does feel that way!

 

     When I started this blog, I had so many ideas as to what I wanted this to be. I just didn't think about how to accomplish all of them. This caused a bit of a panic in me. How do I do this without letting myself and all my friends down? What if I make a complete fool of myself and this turns into a disaster? The whole time these thoughts were running through my head, I was not taking care of my blog. And of course, when I thought of my blog sitting idle, I made things worse by telling myself I was an idiot. And to make it even more fun, I didn't notice how bad it had become. It had, in fact, become an automatic reaction to put myself down. It wasn't until recently I realized just what was going on. And a little longer to give myself a swift kick in the rear and deal with it.

 

     That brings me back to the subject of "forgiveness". When I decided to deal with my issues, I realized I had to forgive myself in order to move on. And that means accepting that it's ok to have doubts and feel uncertain about things. I don't need to beat myself up over it. I can forgive myself for not getting everything done that I want or need to do. Sometimes things do happen that will get in the way. That includes thoughts. Now this realization didn't come without help. It came about because of a conversation about self bullying with some very dear friends. This conversation stayed with me all night and I realized that the reason it did was because I was a bit guilty of that. So now, here I am. Ready to forgive myself and get things done that I have always want and need to do. And I hope that if you find yourselves in a similar situation, you will forgive yourself. Because you deserve it! **HUGS**